Winning Over A Brother (23rd Sunday Ordinary A)



In 1983, just two days after Christmas, Pope John Paul II visited his would-be assassin in prison and spoke privately with him for about twenty minutes.  The Pontiff later declined to mention what was discussed, and said, "What we talked about will have to remain a secret between him and me.  I spoke to him as a brother whom I have pardoned and who has my complete trust."
(Image and caption from polishgreatness.blogspot.com)

How do we actually respond to situations when a brother or a sister or a member of a community goes wayward or does something that offends us?



One approach that many of us easily subscribe to is the mind-your-own-business approach.  We have allowed the spirit of laissez faire to expand its influence from politico-economic sphere to our personal and social life.  We don’t want to have anything to do with whatever smacks of “meddling” with another’s life.  “Walang pakialaman pare!”  We have grown to become individualists imbued with a misleading philosophy of freedom synonymous to licentiousness. “Bahala siya sa buhay nya. Diskarte nya yan!”  In the same token, somehow deep within us we also wish to be left alone with our own business.  So, we build sturdy and high walls around our homes and strong divisions within, perhaps, in order to let one another just be.

Another favourite approach is the seemingly concerned non-confrontational tell-the-neighbours approach. In short and in my dialect, the libak approach.  Not a single soul in the whole barangay remains uninformed regarding the hottest issue except the person concerned.  Is this because of the daunting task inherent in the duty to correct the wrong doer? Or is it the passive-aggressive psychological make-up we all seem to grow up with given our authoritarian family dynamics? Or perhaps the highly valued cultural Smooth Interpersonal Relationship (SIR)?  Whatever underlies the town’s favourite gossip approach one thing is sure: It does not help.

This Sunday readings offer us a helpful approach.  May I call it the my-brother’s-keeper approach?  This one is imbued with the spirit of love and care clearly espoused by the second reading from St. Paul’s letter to the Romans (13: 8-10). “Owe nothing to anyone, except to love one another; for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law” (v. 8).  Paul’s reminder is the underlying motive of my-brother’s-keeper approach.  Love, and not the cold spirit of laissez faire or the burning passion for gossip, should be the inspiration behind our effort to win over an errant family or community member.  We always have to be aware that our Christian communities are communities of the loving Covenant between God and his people. We are the communities of the Kingdom of God.  The bond that ties us together is not any social ideology or a common psychological idiosyncrasy but love.

In such a communitarian context, each is endowed with a prophetic vocation to remind, to warn, to reprimand a member whenever he or she turns away from the spirit of the covenant and the values of God’s Kingdom.   The prophet Ezekiel, in the first reading (Ez. 33:7-9), is given this responsibility to “dissuade the wicked man from his way.”  Failure to act on this responsibility holds the prophet liable to the evil that befalls the man in question.  “If... you do not speak out to dissuade the wicked man from his way, he shall die for his guilt, but I will hold you responsible for his death” (v. 8).  This reminds all of us of our social responsibility to take care of one another by reprimanding or gently reminding each one whenever we are in error or in sin.

In the community of God’s Kingdom, it is not very responsible to say “Walang pakialaman pare!” nor it is with love and concern that we say “Bahala siya sa buhay niya.”  As children of God, we are always our brother’s keeper. We should constantly act out of love by reaching out to a community member who has gone wayward.

The gospel today (Mt. 18:15-20) prescribes some helpful steps to a genuine process of fraternal correction.  Again, in each step, the objective is to win your brother over (v. 15). This is real concern and love. And how lovely it is to live in such a community!

The first step is person to person confrontation.  Confrontation is not a very good word. I think a better expression is heart-to-heart talk!  I am convinced that if this is done with love and care there’s no need for another step.  Most will end up shaking hands or even embracing each other with a resolve to become better friends, better lovers.

Should there be a need for another step anyhow, Jesus instructs us to move to the second step:  To win over the brother or sister in the presence of two or three other witnesses.  Sometimes, one may be wrong about the accusation against another.  The presence of other witnesses establishes objectivity and certainty about the moral issue and strengthens the invitation for the erring party to consider reconciliation.

Should that fail too, the conflict has to be brought to the attention now of the community of the Church as the third step. In this level, failure on the part of the erring party to listen and to be humble enough to amend his ways may invoke the right of the Church to expel such an obstinate unloving member from the community. But even here, to treat such a member as a gentile or a tax collector, as the gospel instructs, is to leave an open door, an open invitation for an eventual conversion of heart.  Such is the magnanimity of Christian charity!

Again, what a lovely community we are called to be.  Is there someone in particular you ought to reach out to in the spirit of fraternal correction? Go, go, go! Win that brother or sister over.